Nourishing Traditions Two words meant to soothe. Even the cover of this cookbook appeals— palm trees, shepherds, sheaves of wheat in drawings that frame the title below a sleepy sun. Traditional recipes sound like a great idea, back to basics, natural ingredients, no added chemicals or preservatives. I’m gung-ho, ready to jump in the pot,… Read More Nourishing Traditions ~ poetry by Joan Mazza
How to Drink Yourself Sober Step Four, Into the Land of Nod Creation gave us the inquisition. Ripe erotic Old Testament Blues with a flat Midwestern accent. She’s a murder ballad with a happy ending, has a story for every place she’s never been. Our whole fable takes place before there were angels. The sky… Read More How to Drink Yourself Sober ~ poetry by Alex Stolis
Jim George is a writer-artist-musician. He has self-published (as a pdf) a collection of humorous stories, poems, specialty forms and line drawings entitled Jim Shorts. His work has also appeared in ANON Magazine, Praxis Magazine and Hock Spit Slurp. As a journalist, he has interviewed such legendary figures as Gore Vidal, Muddy Waters, Steve Allen, Bo… Read More Hansen and Gretchen ~ a text conversation by Jim George
Theater Recluses They never leave. Dress rehearsal in an hour. The stage is the cage where dreams battle to become more ludicrous than you. We received our lines for the day backstage. The band sat up awaiting direction. Tickets sold. The lights came down. The curtains were drawn. Makeup people, costume people, stage craft, management,… Read More Two poems ~ poetry by Al Simmons
As a longtime employee of XYZ Corporation, I’d like to welcome you to the company! I am excited to have you on the team. Undoubtedly, you’ll discover that some coworkers refer to me as the “Angry Black Guy” of this firm, likely due to the irritated looks I give people during staff meetings, office get-togethers,… Read More Angry Black Guy Looks: A Guide for New Employees ~ helpful advice by Adrian S. Potter
I. A FEW PRELIMINARY WORDS The term “eternal baby” originated from a story* of that title by Marion Cohen. (The story, in the author’s words, is “a Kafkaesque deal about a child who refuses to be toilet trained.) The actual medical phenomenon is most isolated. One out of every some huge number of babies is… Read More The A.M.E.B. Newsletter ~ fiction by Marion Deutsche Cohen
In the night but before slumber three independent witnesses, two of which had earbuds in their ears with electrical devices turned on, heard a swishing sound loud and distinct and impossibly peculiar. There is a level of astonishment wherein one exclaims something but there is another place, past that, where all you can do is… Read More Chaga Saga Mama and the Mysterious Swoosh Noise ~ an essay by Brian Michael Barbeito
Too explicit ROBUST, ENERGETIC, VIGOROUS single gentleman (Princeton ’60), seeks sleek female Chaucer scholar for naughty Canterbury Tales re-enactments. Are you ready for “any lord to leggen in his bedde?” I’m up for it! Box 48729. Too depressing DEEP THINKER WITH NO REGRETS, yet something tells me all is illusion in this too-short life. Divorced… Read More Rejected Personal Ads from the New York Review of Books ~ a parody by Mike McGowan
words can come to have no meaning if you look at them a certain way wordscancometohavenomeaningifyoulookatthemacertainway w ordsc anc ometoh aven omea ningi fyoul ooka tthemac er tainw ay word scan co meto ha venom ean in gif youlo okat hema certa inway wo rd sc an co me to ha ve no me an… Read More words can come to have no meaning ~ poetry by Paula Donovan
GAME PLAY: Participants start in the juicy center of the trash gyre (Spiral Recipe Ham) and work their way out towards the sweet release of a well-blown nose, by rolling the die (not included). Also not included are playing pieces. This creates more freedom of choice than any of the loser games manufactured during the… Read More Double Truth Deals ~ a board game by C. B. Auder
Nice day isn’t it, I asked my husband. Yes, it reminds me of that día cuando viajamos a la playa. What did you say? Le jour last summer, pour l’anniversaire de ma sœur. No te recuerdes? Wait, slow down. I can’t understand you. I said I agree. It’s a beautiful day. Maybe we should go inside. It’s too… Read More What We Have Here … ~ fiction by Lori Bonati
Science knows that we perceive time differently as we age. Specifically, we see it moving faster, which is a cruel trick our metabolism plays on us. Our dopamine production goes down, which has something to do with it too. But who cares why it’s happening? It’s happening. And whether biochemistry or psychology plays a role… Read More No, Bob Marley, Everything is Not Going to be All Right ~ an essay by Edwin Kane
inconsiderate spectre clothes w/ bullet-holes in them on display in shop windows / teenagers berate their parents for being married for so long, all the cool kid’s parents got a divorce [a long time ago!] / no love letters for the lonely no wave no gentle kisses good-bye / Don’t pray for me pray for… Read More Two poems ~ poetry by William Jackson
We were worried. It was late evening. The sun was about to set. The sky hung over the Wednesday night crowd like a mat of red hot flames. It was as if the heavens were against us too. We wanted to do our jobs. They wanted us gone. It was them against us. Our group… Read More Blessed Are They ~ fiction by Katrina Byrd
1 The first time he was aware that his brother was somehow installed inside him, like a piece of covert software or a pacemaker, the two of them were in a crib. It was nighttime, and the moon was shining through the window of the room they lived in. He was anxious for some reason,… Read More 6 stillborn novels ~ fiction by Kevin Brennan
The boldest man might have shrunk, riding around of nights, beyond the reach of the warm grasp. Loss of time, Reason to fear, Worn with travel, Defeated. Compelled to flee to the defense of their hearth, traitors, at heart, Surrender. Parting must come, Utterly, in the end. Rosa Jivani is an x-ray technician in the… Read More Hidden verse in Harry Castlemon’s Rodney the Overseer (1892) ~ poetry by Rosa Jivani
bodies notes on the new bodies “An average affair with a fierce animal in a brick! … No one?” The sermon! Tales of sapphires disturbed the root of the Moon – the first moonshine. Are the sacred ones the fungus, not the Moon’s mantle and the Moon’s moons? In those sloth skins a tickled elbow splashes.… Read More bodies ~ a text collage by Hanuszkiewicz Marcin
Once upon a time, a child was born with long, silky blond hair. In fact, she came out of the womb, not head first, but hair first. The doctors and nurses and her parents were both fascinated and repulsed by the sight of the bloody blond hair that lay pooled on the hospital bed. A… Read More Rapunzel, A Different Kind of Fairy Tale ~ fiction by Marie A Bailey
November 7th, 1985 Grigory kept the window rolled down because he was fighting the Sandman. A cold Siberian gale whipped through thin strands of brown hair which stretched from the top of his forehead to just below his bald crown, like long clumps of seaweed reaching out over an empty seabed. A contraband copy of… Read More Andreiana ~ fiction by Phillip McCollum
The target was coming into view. This operation had been rushed but the pieces had fallen into place and there was no reason not to expect success. Less than a week ago we had learned of a plan to sell the product from a small shop near the outskirts of Seattle. This was our chance… Read More Lucky Strike ~ fiction by Stevan Fisher
It starts … With a woman Beyond youthful giggles Accent thick Old-country rhythm A life’s experiences Wisps of gray Glasses perched It starts … With a boy Bright eyes glimmering Gloomy bodega Coins in hand Jingle, fade He dances foot to foot Asks for a Coke Quick and shy It starts … With a car… Read More It starts … ~ poetry by Mark Paxson
beautiful eyes see the ugliness of the world a [tall] woman in a blue polka dot dress stand[s] alone by a window in a library[. She’s] looking off somewhere, hands holding each other, nervous and unresponsive to the voice that’s speaking to her. decisions [are] being made but no options [are] being offered. calculated mistakes… Read More Constellations Ms (folio#073.119.82) ~ poetry by William Jackson
Theme statement: Time travel is impossible. Stop even thinking about it! Introduction For the past 140 years, the imagineers of western civilization have dwelled unrealistically on the idea of traveling through time (forward or backward) to observe or even change events. It’s never going to happen. For millennia, in fact, as far back as ancient… Read More On the Impediments to Time Travel ~ an essay by Alyson Woods
No one asked me to do this, but I think it’s a public service that needs to be performed so I’ve taken it on. I’m a cell phone Luddite – there, I said it – and see no reason to be connected to the internet at all times, or tracked by governmental entities through the… Read More The Pay Phone Project ~ fiction by Giles McDonald
Inaugural address of Donald J. Trump, January 20, 2017 Elizabeth Krause is a graphic artist from Portland, Oregon. She created “Triumph” with an online word cloud generator. (Right-click on the image to view full-size.)
You gotta talk the talk ’cuz it’s a no-brainer. Don’t go down for the count after drawing a blank. The jig is up! Gotta be quick on the draw or go back to square one, Know what I’m sayin’? Ride ’em, cowboy! But when the plot thickens and it’s down to the wire, We gotta… Read More From a Random Phrase Generator ~ poetry by Hallie Dickerson
1 I paid the entrance fee To Elvis Aaron Presley’s mortal Grave, there in Memphis, Tennessee. What did I learn there? He was thee and me. 2 I tried to walk down To the sylvan river Wye. But the field was muck And mined with cow dung, And clouding the air, flies. 3 Inevitably we… Read More Five Pentagraphs ~ poetry by Kevin Brennan
The idea got into his head that nothing is for certain. What is for certain is that not much can be concluded from so-called reality, but since nothing is for certain even that is uncertain. So, better not to jump to conclusions. Then while Googling randomly one day he came upon the name of Pyrrho,… Read More The Wisdom of Pyrrho ~ fiction by Sung Lalata
The finest and the fattest is for their board, But she would rather take refuge in a convent. Moved to compassion by the anxiety, His levity and petulance, perpetually breaking out. Exhausted with his various exertions, He resolved to trust to the sagacity of his horse. And she would have compassion upon them into a… Read More Hidden verse in Ivanhoe ~ poetry by Nathaniel P. Mahar
… a squalid little squid of a bar possessing all the moist charm of a toxic fart laid at the root of the nose. The Three Jolly Maggots, the sign said, and offered to the discerning pubic eye three creatures eerily glowing, and these I unquestionably supposed to be the maggots in question. One of… Read More The Dreamer’s Dream ~ fiction by Boaz MacNutt
So I’m off social media. I did it. I went in too deep, and now I’m just out. Because it flattened me. It started with Facebook. It’s like only Zuckerberg really understood what was going to be happening, and had to happen, and that is that people would start connecting. But he might not have… Read More Tiddlywinks ~ an essay by Krista McCarthy
Sonnet XX* A woman’s face with nature’s own hand painted, Hast thou, the master mistress of my passion; You look hot, girl. A woman’s gentle heart, but not acquainted With shifting change, as is false women’s fashion: Most women are bitches, but you a’ight. An eye more bright than theirs, less false in rolling, Like,… Read More A Shakespeare sonnet edited for modern Americans ~ poetry by Wim Leflore
Pru Marais is a poet and educator who lives in the eastern half of the country, though she has not told us which country.
At the outset here, we’re making the choice not to decorate contributions with images, unless the image is made and provided by the author. It seems to us that ubiquitous stock photos all over the internet lower the value of images and detract from a more important element: the writing itself. We see, in fact,… Read More A note on images
As if his last novel hadn’t done enough damage, Braith Pindrop is back with a new book exploiting the nascent national fad of ferret racing. As far as this reviewer can tell, the ferret-racing fad is only three months old, suggesting that Pindrop’s book, The Sleek Ones, was rushed out. Derrick Dewlap is a lovable… Read More A Day at the Races ~ a faux book review by Kevin Brennan
The Disappointed Housewife is a literary journal for writers, and readers, who are seeking something different. We like the idiosyncratic, the iconoclastic, the offbeat, the hard-to-categorize. Out of the universe of fiction, poetry, and creative nonfiction, we want to attract work that plays with form and presentation. Work that’s not just outside the box but… Read More Editor’s foreword
The Disappointed Housewife 