Life Hacks for Simplifying Your World ~ essay by Rhonda Dawson

“The simple life.” It’s the epitome of happiness and tranquility, yet nearly all Americans find themselves on an ever-accelerating treadmill that makes their lives anything but simple. Here are a few tips for eliminating the complications in your life that keep you from achieving that state of bliss we all dream of: Financial ○ Do… Read More Life Hacks for Simplifying Your World ~ essay by Rhonda Dawson

New Humanoid Species Raises Compelling Ethical Questions ~ fiction by Morgan Capra

Early on, the phenomenon was seen as a coincidental series of birth defects. The first case appeared in rural Oklahoma, surprising the obstetrician when the baby crowned, revealing an unusual pair of ears oriented more toward the top of the head than the sides—long, pointed, and coated in a layer of downy hair. The baby’s… Read More New Humanoid Species Raises Compelling Ethical Questions ~ fiction by Morgan Capra

How to Properly Distinguish Between a False Mermaid and a Genuine One ~ fiction by Hiya Mukherjee

The false mermaids will try to engage you in a political debate. They’ll ask your views on Jeremy Corbyn and Sashi Tharoor. They’ll demand a staunch opinion on the Amazonian tribes and the disappearing lot of arctic penguins while looking completely innocent and cuddlesome. They’ll never be satisfied with any middle ground. They’ll keep nagging… Read More How to Properly Distinguish Between a False Mermaid and a Genuine One ~ fiction by Hiya Mukherjee

Unknown Poet from Rue Montpelier ~ poetry by Michael Lee Johnson

I warned you darts with advice strong words tripping over emotions like an imbecile– so you think you’re Leonard Cohen loving some naked Nancy in a cluttered matchbox apartment overlooking European culture simulated, above some obscure narrow Montreal street? For your information, straight poetics from insanities Almanac, Leonard Cohen died years ago in a twisted… Read More Unknown Poet from Rue Montpelier ~ poetry by Michael Lee Johnson

On the Earth of Lincoln County, Washington, on Saint Valentine’s Day, 1993 ~ poetry by Robert Keeler

February 14, observed in honor of St. Valentine, a martyr of the third century, beheaded in Rome. —Random House Dictionary Dismemberment of a junked disk harrow proceeds evenly and eventlessly. The earth of Lincoln County petitions lithe, dank, midmorning fog to settle low. The fog is dense and, like a just-washed shroud, droops to raw… Read More On the Earth of Lincoln County, Washington, on Saint Valentine’s Day, 1993 ~ poetry by Robert Keeler

Films in the Sharknado Franchise as of 2045 ~ list by CB Droege

Sharknado (2013) Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014) Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (2015) Sharknado: Feeding Frenzy (2015) Sharknado: Heart of Sharkness (2015) Sharknado 4: The 4th Awakens (2016) Sharknado 5: Global Swarming (2017) The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time (2018) Sharknado: 20,000 Sharks under the Sea (2019) Sharknado 6: Sixth Son of Sharknado (2020)… Read More Films in the Sharknado Franchise as of 2045 ~ list by CB Droege

Three Poems ~ poetry by Marc Darnell

Maternal Instinct Swearing is brave. That’s just my opinion. My mother didn’t like it. She didn’t like shit! or other filth Dad passed on. It would have been brave of her to one day leave the kitchen and turn to say if you don’t like it don’t eat it, damn it! You fuckin’ gluttons– you cook it.  Be brave when things boil, save leftovers for me.  I’ll be on the town, so suck it. But she’d never say that, and we did act like such morons. Not swearing, she was still brave, being a mom and trying to like it.   obituary for a credit card they called you Visa but I called you Lover 16-digit magic man you fed me when your dirty brother debit card deserted me someone stole your heart abused you down to negative 399 dollars I went years without you wheezing powerless but you came back to me a polyvinyl boomerang with me now my rectangular amour but I give pieces of you away till you are near zero but still I keep you at my butt cheek pressed and arched when I squat desperately for pennies I extract you from my wallet with your pulsing hologram hawk your plasticity and potential so stoic erect so plumped to take my wishful charge then you expired– a crib death in my wallet… Read More Three Poems ~ poetry by Marc Darnell

Q & A on what The Disappointed Housewife is looking for

I “sat down” with flash-fiction writer, Jim Harrington, recently to answer some questions about how The Disappointed Housewife got started and what we’re looking for from writers. Pay Jim’s blog, “Six Questions For …”, a visit and have a look at our needs and wants. Best advice? Read our submission guidelines and stay offbeat! Six… Read More Q & A on what The Disappointed Housewife is looking for

Dear Citizen ~ governmental communication by Colleen Maloney

Dear Citizen, In accordance with the Security and Equality Act (law 214.87.64c), we have calculated your societal debt and necessity allowance. There is no paperwork to file as facts and figures were construed using complicated algorithms based on your government issued Usee account. According to your browser history, you are: Category        … Read More Dear Citizen ~ governmental communication by Colleen Maloney

Fanmail Received Today by the Jake Ryan/Michael Schoeffling Fan Club, Even Though It’s Been 34 Years Since “Sixteen Candles” Was Released ~ celebrity fan letters by Leigh Lewis

Dear Mr. Schoeffling, Attached, please find residual check number 1139 for your 1985 karaoke cover of “If You Were Here” by Thompson Twins. It is our most popular song in the following bracket: Caucasian women in the Midwest, ages 48-51½. Additionally, it remains the lead-off track in our evergreen playlist, “Jacking Off to the 80s.”… Read More Fanmail Received Today by the Jake Ryan/Michael Schoeffling Fan Club, Even Though It’s Been 34 Years Since “Sixteen Candles” Was Released ~ celebrity fan letters by Leigh Lewis

The Sapphobook ~ literary inquiry by Mitchell St. John

It’s been thirty years since a mysterious black notebook was found in a dingy alleyway on Mission Street in San Francisco. The small collection of hastily scribbled and, at times, completely unconnected words would typically be regarded as trash and discarded as such, were it not for local bartender, Josiah Campbell who picked the book… Read More The Sapphobook ~ literary inquiry by Mitchell St. John

Living Social Shopping Cart of Your Vindictive Ex-Girlfriend ~ post-relationship tools by Ashley Memory

All-day Lone Assassin™ paintball package on location in your ex’s neighborhood, complete with equipment. Package also includes a training session from a former Army sniper and a getaway Uber driver waiting at the curb to ensure you hit your mark and escape without getting caught. $39.99. Flea-infestation kit for three rooms and a hallway. Sneak… Read More Living Social Shopping Cart of Your Vindictive Ex-Girlfriend ~ post-relationship tools by Ashley Memory

Lunchbreak Confessional ~ script by Nicole Walkow

INT. THE BREAKROOM, TRENDY GROCERY STORE—10 minutes ago. The BREAKROOM of TRENDY GROCERY STORE. NICOLE (mid-30s/obvious brunette with blond hair/black glasses/looks exhausted) is sitting at a table next to JENNY (late 40s/brown hair/frumpy/real fucking annoying). JENNY Can I tell you something that you’re gonna judge me super harshly about? NICOLE Okay. JENNY I’ve been watching… Read More Lunchbreak Confessional ~ script by Nicole Walkow

A Fancy Department Store in Cleveland, 1970 ~ essay by Cinthia Ritchie

We knew we didn’t belong, my sisters and me. We knew by the way the saleslady tightened her mouth, the edges of her lipstick pulling so hard the corners cracked. “Girls,” she clapped, and we huddled together by the winter sweaters, our worn sneakers sinking the carpet. “I haven’t all day,” she snapped, and we… Read More A Fancy Department Store in Cleveland, 1970 ~ essay by Cinthia Ritchie

Stopgap ~ fiction by Soramimi Hanarejima

You owe her ・excitement over her new job, ・enthusiasm about the hiking trip she’s been planning, and ・delight that your karaoke duets are consistently hitting level 8. But you’re in severe emotional debt and should feel for others first—for colleagues and loved ones who have been waiting longer for more substantial emotions: ・Werna: sympathy as… Read More Stopgap ~ fiction by Soramimi Hanarejima