The Disappointed Housewife is a literary journal for writers, and readers, who are seeking something different. We like the idiosyncratic, the iconoclastic, the offbeat, the hard-to-categorize. Out of the universe of fiction, poetry, and creative nonfiction, we want to attract work that plays with form and presentation. Work that’s not just outside the box but… Read More Editor’s foreword
Curse the alarm. I mean really curse it. Curse at it as your fist slams into the shrieking metal bells atop the heart-shaped clock. Curse again at the pain now shooting through your hand. Hold onto the walls for support as you work your way toward the bathroom for a shower. Feel ten, maybe twenty,… Read More How to be a Different Kind of Showgirl ~ memoir by Kat Knuth
We’re different things to different people. Someone I know, though now dead, is a saint in one woman’s mind. That’s because that woman inherited the dead person’s house, worth probably two million dollars. That woman was the dead person’s step-daughter. She came into the person’s life as a hitchhiker, basically, hitching on her father’s coattails.… Read More We’re Different Things to Different People ~ fiction by Kevin Brennan
Love is Love is a dog from hell Love is a four letter word Love is a many splendored thing Love is a pie Love is a place Love is colder than death Love is the crooked thing Love is the measure Love is the silence Love is the sum of it all * We… Read More Five Poems Found in the Database of the UC Berkeley Library ~ poetry by Glenn Ingersoll
Of The Artist Septober 53rd For the first morning since I arrived, the mist has withdrawn. It’s clear enough for me to Caesarean my way out of my tent and see to the edge of this rocky outcrop I’ve ended up perched upon. The stone’s been blasted bare since before I was born, rigor mortis… Read More Of the Artist ~ fiction by Avouleance
Sofa Surfer Blues I drank myself last night and I tasted of oblivion. Keep on swinging madly across the sun Mr Dylan, I could never keep up with you I’m in a war of words with the verse endless invisible unknowable in my head riding in on your sofa surfer blues. “Poetry is dead!” shouts… Read More Two Poems ~ poetry by David Dobson
Violet molds her palms around the glass and watches the ice settle into the green liquid. She’s sweating despite the chill. Across the patio, through the black bars of the railing, the shrubbery shivers, making a blur the same color as the substance in the glass. She glances at her watch. He’s five minutes later… Read More Foreign Bodies ~ fiction by Audrey Kalman
Diagnosis: Evil A sarcastic poem based on Wikipedia’s “Sarcoidosis” page. This page was last edited on 4 October 2017, at 05:22. A given governing your heart is a disease involving abnormal collections of dissident cells that form lumps known as deciders. The deicide usually begins in the lungs, skin or second thoughts. Less commonly affected… Read More Two Poems ~ poetry by Jake Sheff
You’ve never taken Sparta Road or kept an austere house. On Lone Pine Mountain, you’ve never stood alone or climbed its high roads to the peak above Virtue Flat. You’ve never stayed in Bates, where the directory notes no hotel, all lodging primitive. Days from now in Baker City you won’t eat one baked cake,… Read More Self as Map, as Land ~ poetry by Laura Madeline Wiseman
At the end of the world, with civilization in ruin, Mad Marx’s cell phone rang again. The words “unknown caller” flashed across a screen that was cracked and scratched from an Armageddon that even an Otterbox couldn’t fully defend against. Despite the mystery, Mad Marx knew who it was–he only got one kind of call… Read More Mad Marx’s Post-Modern Post-Apocalypse ~ fiction by Barlow Adams
Alexandra is from a po’ dunk town in central Florida. Her poetry was featured in The Wolfian twice, as well as The Zombie Logic Review, 8 West Press, Over Watch Press, and most recently, appeared in two separate issues of Torrid Literature. She released her first published poetry collection, The Angels’ Trumpets, last year thanks to Purple Unicorn Media.… Read More Thoughts ~ poetry by Alexandra the Great
There aren’t many ways that a journal that makes no money can pay its writers, but here at The Disappointed Housewife we offer readers an opportunity to bypass the middle man and pay the writers directly. At the bottom of many of our poems, stories, and essays you’ll find the author’s PayPal (or Google Pay)… Read More How to Pay Writers at The Disappointed Housewife
Donnie was going through yet another standard tutorial area in yet another free-to-play MMO when he heard his roommate come home. The door swung open, a key scraped against its lock, and Eli said something. A woman responded. Donnie quit typing, let the automated battle play out, and then he smirked instead of smiled. “Where’s… Read More Bakery Girl ~ fiction by Lee Blevins
Gregory Kimbrell is the author of The Primitive Observatory (Southern Illinois University Press, 2016), winner of the 2014 Crab Orchard Series in Poetry First Book Award. His poems have appeared or are forthcoming in Manticore—Hybrid Writing from Hybrid Identities, Alcyone, Whatever Our Souls, Parentheses, Blackbird, and other publications. He is the events and programs coordinator… Read More 取り除き Torinozoki (Deinstallation) ~ poetry by Gregory Kimbrell
Patient #2649: Arrival God save me. God could not. Safe here away from him, or nearer. A door. Another (door after door) and I open. I open my bags. They’ve emptied (me). They’ve taken her. God (be with me) let me keep the baby. I’ve not had time to finish her blanket. The final door.… Read More Five poems ~ poetry by Tina Parker
Imagine the warrior princess Leaning against a sword almost As big as she. Terrible twin breasts Are barely contained in a brief Animal skin bra, and her own un-road-mapped skin Dips into brave loincloth half G-string, half suggestion. Uncovered Arms and pole-dancer thighs. All the boys would want To be heroically with her. Their fathers,… Read More Institutionalized Temptation ~ poetry by Ken Poyner
Wanda Strickland was seventy years old when she moved to Florida from Canada. Nice home with a grassy lawn overlooking the bay. There was a pool where she could swim daily to loosen her joints. Pretty gardens lined the pathway down to the water’s edge. Sunshiny days kept her outside. Wanda loved her gardens and… Read More Rain, Reign, Go Away ~ fiction by S. K. Nicholls
After “The Snow Man” by Wallace Stevens and “Because I could not stop for death – (479)” by Emily Dickinson Because one must stop winter’s mind – though I could not have death – the forest’s rearguard held its snow as kindling bowed to crust. Like sour elves, immortal carnage slowly stooped. The pine-trees drove… Read More Triple-Bubble Puddle: The Satiety of Influence ~ poetry by Jake Sheff
Nourishing Traditions Two words meant to soothe. Even the cover of this cookbook appeals— palm trees, shepherds, sheaves of wheat in drawings that frame the title below a sleepy sun. Traditional recipes sound like a great idea, back to basics, natural ingredients, no added chemicals or preservatives. I’m gung-ho, ready to jump in the pot,… Read More Nourishing Traditions ~ poetry by Joan Mazza
How to Drink Yourself Sober Step Four, Into the Land of Nod Creation gave us the inquisition. Ripe erotic Old Testament Blues with a flat Midwestern accent. She’s a murder ballad with a happy ending, has a story for every place she’s never been. Our whole fable takes place before there were angels. The sky… Read More How to Drink Yourself Sober ~ poetry by Alex Stolis
Jim George is a writer-artist-musician. He has self-published (as a pdf) a collection of humorous stories, poems, specialty forms and line drawings entitled Jim Shorts. His work has also appeared in ANON Magazine, Praxis Magazine and Hock Spit Slurp. As a journalist, he has interviewed such legendary figures as Gore Vidal, Muddy Waters, Steve Allen, Bo… Read More Hansen and Gretchen ~ a text conversation by Jim George
Theater Recluses They never leave. Dress rehearsal in an hour. The stage is the cage where dreams battle to become more ludicrous than you. We received our lines for the day backstage. The band sat up awaiting direction. Tickets sold. The lights came down. The curtains were drawn. Makeup people, costume people, stage craft, management,… Read More Two poems ~ poetry by Al Simmons
As a longtime employee of XYZ Corporation, I’d like to welcome you to the company! I am excited to have you on the team. Undoubtedly, you’ll discover that some coworkers refer to me as the “Angry Black Guy” of this firm, likely due to the irritated looks I give people during staff meetings, office get-togethers,… Read More Angry Black Guy Looks: A Guide for New Employees ~ helpful advice by Adrian S. Potter
I. A FEW PRELIMINARY WORDS The term “eternal baby” originated from a story* of that title by Marion Cohen. (The story, in the author’s words, is “a Kafkaesque deal about a child who refuses to be toilet trained.) The actual medical phenomenon is most isolated. One out of every some huge number of babies is… Read More The A.M.E.B. Newsletter ~ fiction by Marion Deutsche Cohen
In the night but before slumber three independent witnesses, two of which had earbuds in their ears with electrical devices turned on, heard a swishing sound loud and distinct and impossibly peculiar. There is a level of astonishment wherein one exclaims something but there is another place, past that, where all you can do is… Read More Chaga Saga Mama and the Mysterious Swoosh Noise ~ an essay by Brian Michael Barbeito
Too explicit ROBUST, ENERGETIC, VIGOROUS single gentleman (Princeton ’60), seeks sleek female Chaucer scholar for naughty Canterbury Tales re-enactments. Are you ready for “any lord to leggen in his bedde?” I’m up for it! Box 48729. Too depressing DEEP THINKER WITH NO REGRETS, yet something tells me all is illusion in this too-short life. Divorced… Read More Rejected Personal Ads from the New York Review of Books ~ a parody by Mike McGowan
words can come to have no meaning if you look at them a certain way wordscancometohavenomeaningifyoulookatthemacertainway w ordsc anc ometoh aven omea ningi fyoul ooka tthemac er tainw ay word scan co meto ha venom ean in gif youlo okat hema certa inway wo rd sc an co me to ha ve no me an… Read More words can come to have no meaning ~ poetry by Paula Donovan
GAME PLAY: Participants start in the juicy center of the trash gyre (Spiral Recipe Ham) and work their way out towards the sweet release of a well-blown nose, by rolling the die (not included). Also not included are playing pieces. This creates more freedom of choice than any of the loser games manufactured during the… Read More Double Truth Deals ~ a board game by C. B. Auder
Nice day isn’t it, I asked my husband. Yes, it reminds me of that día cuando viajamos a la playa. What did you say? Le jour last summer, pour l’anniversaire de ma sœur. No te recuerdes? Wait, slow down. I can’t understand you. I said I agree. It’s a beautiful day. Maybe we should go inside. It’s too… Read More What We Have Here … ~ fiction by Lori Bonati
Science knows that we perceive time differently as we age. Specifically, we see it moving faster, which is a cruel trick our metabolism plays on us. Our dopamine production goes down, which has something to do with it too. But who cares why it’s happening? It’s happening. And whether biochemistry or psychology plays a role… Read More No, Bob Marley, Everything is Not Going to be All Right ~ an essay by Edwin Kane
inconsiderate spectre clothes w/ bullet-holes in them on display in shop windows / teenagers berate their parents for being married for so long, all the cool kid’s parents got a divorce [a long time ago!] / no love letters for the lonely no wave no gentle kisses good-bye / Don’t pray for me pray for… Read More Two poems ~ poetry by William Jackson
We were worried. It was late evening. The sun was about to set. The sky hung over the Wednesday night crowd like a mat of red hot flames. It was as if the heavens were against us too. We wanted to do our jobs. They wanted us gone. It was them against us. Our group… Read More Blessed Are They ~ fiction by Katrina Byrd
1 The first time he was aware that his brother was somehow installed inside him, like a piece of covert software or a pacemaker, the two of them were in a crib. It was nighttime, and the moon was shining through the window of the room they lived in. He was anxious for some reason,… Read More 6 stillborn novels ~ fiction by Kevin Brennan
The boldest man might have shrunk, riding around of nights, beyond the reach of the warm grasp. Loss of time, Reason to fear, Worn with travel, Defeated. Compelled to flee to the defense of their hearth, traitors, at heart, Surrender. Parting must come, Utterly, in the end. Rosa Jivani is an x-ray technician in the… Read More Hidden verse in Harry Castlemon’s Rodney the Overseer (1892) ~ poetry by Rosa Jivani
bodies notes on the new bodies “An average affair with a fierce animal in a brick! … No one?” The sermon! Tales of sapphires disturbed the root of the Moon – the first moonshine. Are the sacred ones the fungus, not the Moon’s mantle and the Moon’s moons? In those sloth skins a tickled elbow splashes.… Read More bodies ~ a text collage by Hanuszkiewicz Marcin
Once upon a time, a child was born with long, silky blond hair. In fact, she came out of the womb, not head first, but hair first. The doctors and nurses and her parents were both fascinated and repulsed by the sight of the bloody blond hair that lay pooled on the hospital bed. A… Read More Rapunzel, A Different Kind of Fairy Tale ~ fiction by Marie A Bailey
November 7th, 1985 Grigory kept the window rolled down because he was fighting the Sandman. A cold Siberian gale whipped through thin strands of brown hair which stretched from the top of his forehead to just below his bald crown, like long clumps of seaweed reaching out over an empty seabed. A contraband copy of… Read More Andreiana ~ fiction by Phillip McCollum
The target was coming into view. This operation had been rushed but the pieces had fallen into place and there was no reason not to expect success. Less than a week ago we had learned of a plan to sell the product from a small shop near the outskirts of Seattle. This was our chance… Read More Lucky Strike ~ fiction by Stevan Fisher
It starts … With a woman Beyond youthful giggles Accent thick Old-country rhythm A life’s experiences Wisps of gray Glasses perched It starts … With a boy Bright eyes glimmering Gloomy bodega Coins in hand Jingle, fade He dances foot to foot Asks for a Coke Quick and shy It starts … With a car… Read More It starts … ~ poetry by Mark Paxson
beautiful eyes see the ugliness of the world a [tall] woman in a blue polka dot dress stand[s] alone by a window in a library[. She’s] looking off somewhere, hands holding each other, nervous and unresponsive to the voice that’s speaking to her. decisions [are] being made but no options [are] being offered. calculated mistakes… Read More Constellations Ms (folio#073.119.82) ~ poetry by William Jackson
Theme statement: Time travel is impossible. Stop even thinking about it! Introduction For the past 140 years, the imagineers of western civilization have dwelled unrealistically on the idea of traveling through time (forward or backward) to observe or even change events. It’s never going to happen. For millennia, in fact, as far back as ancient… Read More On the Impediments to Time Travel ~ an essay by Alyson Woods
