The Disappointed Housewife is a literary journal for writers, and readers, who are seeking something different. We like the idiosyncratic, the iconoclastic, the offbeat, the hard-to-categorize. Out of the universe of fiction, poetry, and creative nonfiction, we want to attract work that plays with form and presentation. Work that’s not just outside the box but… Read More Editor’s foreword
Gagootz: Staten Island for zucchini, from the Italian cucuzza. My husband used to call me his gagootz, a term of endearment like cute, when he started to call me cunt I moved to another state. Now, I am the caregiver of my ancient mother. All day the TV blasts, MSNBC our Big Brother. It could… Read More The Gagootz ~ poetry by Vicki Iorio
I’m driving to my job at the university, running a little late, and I see two guys carrying a toilet into Taco Bell. They’re crouched over like it’s kind of heavy, one’s got the door propped open with his shoulder, getting the toilet through the entrance looks awkward. So maybe Taco Bell is getting a… Read More Two Guys Carrying a Toilet Into Taco Bell ~ essay by Jacqueline Doyle
turtle race at Northeastern University, 29 foot marathon course – Billy the Kid reenactment, cow chip tossing, world championship cornstalk shoot – Esley Hallett’s historic timepieces: water clocks, sundials, hour glasses – International Worm Fiddling contest – gondola on the Wabash, village of violets, house of “Little Boy Blue” bird carving in Salisbury, bump-jumping in… Read More Alternative America ~ poetry by John Grey
I. Those years of words unspoken simply thought and kept to the self may never emerge, lost to time under tension. II. He asked for extended kindness. She extended it, and he didn’t take it. Kindness wasted by the wayside. III. I don’t know what to say here. IV. There’s something about reflection in rippled… Read More Oranges (for Frank O’Hara) ~ poetry by Christina M. Rau
Fever, chills, cough— I want my wife to go up to the clinic. “What for?” she says from bed. “I have no underlying condition—except mortality.” A single laugh sets off a spasm of hacking, and, one hand bothering chest, “Like-hit-by-a-train,” she gets out, thick and foggy, of how she feels, before fading beneath a framed… Read More The Door ~ fiction by Vincent Barry
Back City, crank your evoluminations. All gosh to the great God Yul. Tangling. The way head’s tangleteening for a taking. Some sort of sport seems to be playing out back over here. So, look on. Let’s a’ look at yer radio. Breaking news this unprecedented eighty-degree late Januinary daytime. So, you say this squareradio’s not… Read More Mid-Januinary Radio Jam ~ fiction by Jim Meirose
Going back to a time before time could be recorded, in what came to be the modern state of Tanzania, chimpanzees had religion. Naturally, it was not a religion in the sense of our current ones, with texts and liturgy and hierarchies, but it was organized around the idea of a creator who had put… Read More The Birth of Religion ~ fiction by Janet Barrows
I moved into an apartment across the country to regain the independence I felt I had lost; it took me two days of living alone to understand that now is not the time for independence. I sleep in my friend’s unoccupied room because it feels better than admitting the tiny one next to it is… Read More Amidst the Chaos ~ pandemic essay by Kelsey Allen
Some pre-calc (binomial formula – for expanding (x + y)-to-the-n ) I’m sure you’re a most loyal FOIL-er and I’ll never be a FOIL-spoiler but when n, for its britch gets too big, you should switch and be to this formula loyaler. (the non-minimum continuum) Real numbers are squashed as can be. They’re locked in… Read More A Factor of Minus-One ~ math limericks by Marion Deutsche Cohen
Poco moto, woman, Therese thought to herself, as she pulled herself up from the bed and towards the door. She felt she heard something scuttle away in response to the creak of the wooden floorboards as she padded, naked and content, through the hall. “They flee from me that sometime did me seek!” she sang… Read More The Apparitions ~ fiction by Kirsty McGrory
To touch the sky, grope it illicitly — Megan’s law for the ephemeral bits of nature, to be on a watch-list for (a lack of) life — for a vomit of – what we shall call “gesticulatory punctuation.” Oh, cheers and jeers coming down like a ballast, a ballast with a bible… Read More Success Man ~ poetry by Michael T. Smith
Author’s note: “I call this and similar digital poems ‘vaiku,’ or visual haiku, not strictly syllabic but Western haiku, to use Kerouac’s term, brief illuminations rendered in the haiku spirit. These works utilize public domain materials with hand-painted and/or hand-drawn elements.” Frederick Highland’s novels Ghost Eater and Night Falls on Damascus are published by St.… Read More I’ll Mend ~ vaiku by Frederick Highland
Sometimes there is summer. Sometimes there’s an episode of Lost, but only a moment, the smallest moment, where mangoes are bountiful, the music triumphs, the moment where a castaway and a beach resort have few degrees of separation. Sometimes I think Lost is something I should mention in a poem, an ABC drama could somehow… Read More Re: How Are You? ~ prose poem by Sutton Revell
My favorite thing, by far, is the opposite sex. But my next favorite is asking ridiculous questions, like ‘Why is the letter S always malingering?’ Or, ‘What is the smell of potatoes’ hatred?’ Optimism. What? Optimism. The answer to your questions. (He leans in and cups his ear.) Come again? Opti, opti opti. Mi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-zum! (He… Read More The Hopscotch King ~ fiction by Jake Sheff
The Disappointed Housewife is looking for fiction, poetry, and essays that address the coronavirus pandemic, quarantine, social distancing, and other consequences of the world’s public health crisis. Where there’s trouble, there’s fodder for art. Submissions must meet our offbeat needs and adhere to our usual guidelines. Show us how these extraordinary times have inspired you… Read More Call for Pandemic Submissions
Rotation around an axis brings out the best in scalawags since Justice’s reach can’t otherwise touch janky persons or their kin. Accordingly, when sizing garapa for doghouses, cabin interiors, Also luxurious kitchen floors, it’s best to disregard frivolities like Pyrographically-inscribed poppies, puppies, wildebeest designs. In homes or industrial uses, planks mean “structure,” “durability,” “Low maintenance.”… Read More Poppies and Other Frivolities ~ poetry by KJ Hannah Greenberg
Down to breakfast, sit. And late again, to boot. Ah, you and you, Sonboy—all you do is sleep on, and sleep on. But; how you got named—did we ever tell you how you got named, Sonboy? Did we? All spinning down from atop our attic apartments, it came. Listen. I am going to tell it… Read More How It’s Named; Sonboy ~ fiction by Jim Meirose
Yuan Changming published monographs on translation before leaving his native country. Currently, Yuan edits Poetry Pacific with Allen Qing Yuan in Vancouver, Canada. Credits include ten Pushcart nominations, eight chapbooks, and publications in Best of the Best Canadian Poetry (2008-17) and BestNewPoemsOnline, among others. Show Yuan some love via PayPal at magyuans(at)gmail(dot)com.
Monday “A fine healthy baby,” someone says, slapping my buttocks. Two heads I’ll recognize tomorrow as my parents’ peer at a small flat shiny thing. “Phone” will be my first word. “Want phone” my first sentence. T-r-i-l-l! On Wednesday I’ll scroll back to Monday’s Twitter feed and find that @Ma&PaGrundy wrote: “Doc sez our baby… Read More The Diary of S. Grundy ~ fiction by Faye Brinsmead
I afforded my life the patience and room it required to diet into nothing. For weeks, I’d lug clods of my material self to a pawn shop behind the lunch spot my co-workers loved. The man behind the counter—a beefy goth with hairy knuckles demarking the plump stubs of his fingers—would look through my things,… Read More What Does God Need With a Starship? ~ fiction by J. Campbell
There was an old woman who swallowed a fly. Interesting, but this in and of itself doesn’t tell us much. More information is required. As it turns out, she was old for the time in which this story took place but wouldn’t be considered old now. Fifty-something. Her name was Zerna. Our investigations have revealed… Read More There Was an Old Woman Who Swallowed a Fly: A Closer Look ~ fiction by Candace Kidd
The evil wizard in Gogol’s story “A Terrible Revenge” struggles with his mad daughter, trying to take away the knife she holds and, in the process, kills her. This climax—coming after the wizard murders her Cossack husband, demands that she “marry” (i.e., have sex with) him, murders her infant son, his grandchild, and then she… Read More Everything Is Connected ~ essay by John Talbird
Alas and a muchness, whether Iran’s ayatollahs, Europe’s Nazis, or stupid heads running Washington, world rulers remain awfully derelict; they’re compromising Eretz Yisrael. Yet, Guyana, Comoros, relatively, have “barely frightening” comportment per pallid leaders’ Intelligence (global ophidians generally forget about justice and countenance suffering.) Transnational kingmakers’ choices won’t forsake hatred. Their penchants cull outmoded, Misguided… Read More Responding to the Scions of Anti-Semitism ~ poetry by KJ Hannah Greenberg
CHAMPIONS NEW SAME GIN JACK HEALTH SPORT Go You’re Way Now PAT MASTER became an early maker of ready-made clothes – it’s make your body glad LOVE & QUEST Chrono 7 romantic character soft rich pleasure constant use daily pleasure Quarter century The Pre-Miracle Years 1957-1965 The Wonderful Adventure Trough The World… Read More Sweatshirt Haiku ~ poetry by bart plantenga
The Disappointed Housewife is pleased to nominate the following pieces for the 2020 Sonder Press The Best Small Fictions anthology: “An Uninspired Kidnapping” by Lucy Zhang “The Saran Wrappers” by Xenia Taiga “How to Properly Distinguish Between a False Mermaid and a Genuine One” by Hiya Mukherjee “The Procedure” by Jeremy Stuart “[I really miss… Read More The Best Small Fictions nominations
Around foreign towns, all mutts begin to bark en masse. Seen beside a lazy, plumed lizard asleep and hazy, sunning on a bare, flat rock such musicality unsettles; and thus mirrors qua Hermes’ baleful caution: Let’s not relent! Scalped by psyche’s past or divers ill fortune, how decipher such a black-swan, wan event? Populaces dimly… Read More Male Sperm Counts Are Falling All Across the Western World ~ poetry by R. J. Keeler
The Disappointed Housewife is pleased to nominate the following stories and poems for the 2020 Pushcart Prize (click on titles to view each work): FICTION: “Destination Bulgaria” by Jim Meirose “The Saran Wrappers” by Xenia Taiga “How to Properly Distinguish Between a False Mermaid and a Genuine One” by Hiya Mukherjee POETRY: “Love Letter to… Read More Pushcart Prize Nominations
When I was kidnapped, I wore a denim jean jacket with a front button placket, point collar and two button-flap chest pockets—one for my phone, the other for a twenty-dollar bill. I figured one day the twenty dollars would be a useful bribe, or if I was feeling generous, a donation to the street musicians… Read More An Uninspired Kidnapping ~ fiction by Lucy Zhang
Author’s Note: Many Christmases ago, my grandmother (the gentlest, sweetest woman in the world), was watching my sister and I gleefully dive into our favorite present that year, The Encyclopedia of Serial Killers. “Oh, girls,” she said, “If I were your age, that’s what I’d be reading, too!” I’m pretty sure that if Grandma were alive… Read More Advent Calendar Fillers for the Serial Killer in Your Life ~ seasonal whim by Leigh Lewis
so green is the leaf clinging steadfast to its branch it defies classification even by the wind that wishes only to call it sail I have known wasps rail and sting merely because I happened across their flight paths the sea does not cease for me on anyone— immortal heart even though I can’t breathe… Read More Grief Rhymes with Yellow ~ poetry by Lana Hechtman Ayers
Author’s note: “When I was a school bus driver, I was motivated to write this by two ten-year-old boys who rode on my bus. They shared their story with me about seeing two girls who attracted their attention over the weekend at a shopping mall. Grammar and spelling idiosyncrasies are the boys’ doing.” The author… Read More A-Hoot A-Hoot Sexy X-E ~ poetry by Bowser
‘Begorrah,’ Trevor said slapping his forehead. ‘This is Sunday and Maureen’s birthday is on Tuesday. I must send a card.’ Trevor found a card with a picture of two elderly ladies and a caption that read: I never mind my friends knowing my secret indiscretions. Most are so old they can’t remember anything anyway. ‘Fish… Read More Late Delivery ~ fiction by Philip McCormac
Well, I really mean cannibalizer. A poetry colleague/friend just emailed that, in her opinion, I cannibalize my work. She meant it as a criticism. I’d never heard of that phrase so I googled it—“cannibalizing one’s work.” Merriam-Webster gives several definitions of “cannibalize”: “To deprive of an essential part of element in creating or sustaining another… Read More Confessions of a Cannibal ~ essay by Marion Deutsche Cohen
Out I-80 Longshoremenne VonderLee reliuctantly relocated her men to truck-and-road duty. Bing the professional she was she took them to new quarters equipped with smart-flywheel rollers to glide up under the innerside of her designated Interstates. Cause; yah; cause having been tight-clued that contractee “Horse” had gained additional dockspace ‘long her total reaches of interesting… Read More Destination: Bulgaria ~ fiction by Jim Meirose
Commerce was booming. The stores were all full, as were the restaurants, bars, theaters, gyms, barbershops, and beauty salons. Foot traffic on each floor’s promenade was heavy, spanning a range from individuals to families, couples holding hands, moving at various states of urgency. If asked, probably few, if any, could have said how many floors… Read More The Procedure ~ fiction by Jeremy Stuart
Hi. You don’t know me, but I’m your great-great grandchild. I’m due to be born in the year 2108, which must really blow your mind but, hey—do the math. New technology lets us communicate with the past, so I thought I’d use the opportunity to let you know just how badly you screwed up. You’ve… Read More Letter from Your Pissed Descendant in 2133 ~ fiction by Bailey McDermott
Association Four Were you thinking about buying that red balloon folks? I hope so. Rubber is inexpensive these days, especially when you think about how many are actually speaking to each other anyhow in public. You know, if any of this gets out we could all be up that creek is not quite clear. Perhaps… Read More Three Associations ~ medley by J. S. Fowler
DEAR ZOMBIE LAUREN, I, acknowledging yr existence An unknown percentile O’ present day Mutation of civilian Reptile mute-deafened civilization Through differing dialect Between bandit and breather Of paint red evenings out Woman about town Full familiar laughter Gullets full fodder A movable feast Supply and demand of the resource Pack rabid; feral Craze-brained fundamentalists With… Read More Dear Zombie Lauren ~ poetry by Kristopher William Locke
Somewhere on the hike that summits the lava field, just to give lie to what she just said, I say with a deep lungful, “As it so happens,—” because it is true— “Your problem,” ’s what she just said, “you don’t respect the past.” “—by chance, I have with me,” I… Read More Craters of the Moon ~ fiction by Vince Barry
“The simple life.” It’s the epitome of happiness and tranquility, yet nearly all Americans find themselves on an ever-accelerating treadmill that makes their lives anything but simple. Here are a few tips for eliminating the complications in your life that keep you from achieving that state of bliss we all dream of: Financial ○ Do… Read More Life Hacks for Simplifying Your World ~ essay by Rhonda Dawson
