Two Guys Carrying a Toilet Into Taco Bell ~ essay by Jacqueline Doyle

I’m driving to my job at the university, running a little late, and I see two guys carrying a toilet into Taco Bell. They’re crouched over like it’s kind of heavy, one’s got the door propped open with his shoulder, getting the toilet through the entrance looks awkward. So maybe Taco Bell is getting a… Read More Two Guys Carrying a Toilet Into Taco Bell ~ essay by Jacqueline Doyle

Alternative America ~ poetry by John Grey

turtle race at Northeastern University, 29 foot marathon course – Billy the Kid reenactment, cow chip tossing, world championship cornstalk shoot – Esley Hallett’s historic timepieces: water clocks, sundials, hour glasses – International Worm Fiddling contest – gondola on the Wabash, village of violets, house of “Little Boy Blue” bird carving in Salisbury, bump-jumping in… Read More Alternative America ~ poetry by John Grey

A Factor of Minus-One ~ math limericks by Marion Deutsche Cohen

Some pre-calc (binomial formula – for expanding (x + y)-to-the-n ) I’m sure you’re a most loyal FOIL-er and I’ll never be a FOIL-spoiler but when n, for its britch gets too big, you should switch and be to this formula loyaler. (the non-minimum continuum) Real numbers are squashed as can be. They’re locked in… Read More A Factor of Minus-One ~ math limericks by Marion Deutsche Cohen

I’ll Mend ~ vaiku by Frederick Highland

Author’s note: “I call this and similar digital poems ‘vaiku,’ or visual haiku, not strictly syllabic but Western haiku, to use Kerouac’s term, brief illuminations rendered in the haiku spirit. These works utilize public domain materials with hand-painted and/or hand-drawn elements.” Frederick Highland’s novels Ghost Eater and Night Falls on Damascus are published by St.… Read More I’ll Mend ~ vaiku by Frederick Highland

Call for Pandemic Submissions

The Disappointed Housewife is looking for fiction, poetry, and essays that address the coronavirus pandemic, quarantine, social distancing, and other consequences of the world’s public health crisis. Where there’s trouble, there’s fodder for art. Submissions must meet our offbeat needs and adhere to our usual guidelines. Show us how these extraordinary times have inspired you… Read More Call for Pandemic Submissions

Poppies and Other Frivolities ~ poetry by KJ Hannah Greenberg

Rotation around an axis brings out the best in scalawags since Justice’s reach can’t otherwise touch janky persons or their kin. Accordingly, when sizing garapa for doghouses, cabin interiors, Also luxurious kitchen floors, it’s best to disregard frivolities like Pyrographically-inscribed poppies, puppies, wildebeest designs. In homes or industrial uses, planks mean “structure,” “durability,” “Low maintenance.”… Read More Poppies and Other Frivolities ~ poetry by KJ Hannah Greenberg

Heart-Rooted: First Lesson in Chinese Characters ~ poetry by Yuan Changming

Yuan Changming  published monographs on translation before leaving his native country. Currently, Yuan edits Poetry Pacific with Allen Qing Yuan in Vancouver, Canada. Credits include ten Pushcart nominations, eight chapbooks,  and publications in Best of the Best Canadian Poetry (2008-17) and BestNewPoemsOnline, among others. Show Yuan some love via PayPal at magyuans(at)gmail(dot)com.

The Diary of S. Grundy ~ fiction by Faye Brinsmead

Monday “A fine healthy baby,” someone says, slapping my buttocks. Two heads I’ll recognize tomorrow as my parents’ peer at a small flat shiny thing. “Phone” will be my first word. “Want phone” my first sentence. T-r-i-l-l! On Wednesday I’ll scroll back to Monday’s Twitter feed and find that @Ma&PaGrundy wrote: “Doc sez our baby… Read More The Diary of S. Grundy ~ fiction by Faye Brinsmead

What Does God Need With a Starship? ~ fiction by J. Campbell

I afforded my life the patience and room it required to diet into nothing. For weeks, I’d lug clods of my material self to a pawn shop behind the lunch spot my co-workers loved. The man behind the counter—a beefy goth with hairy knuckles demarking the plump stubs of his fingers—would look through my things,… Read More What Does God Need With a Starship? ~ fiction by J. Campbell

There Was an Old Woman Who Swallowed a Fly: A Closer Look ~ fiction by Candace Kidd

There was an old woman who swallowed a fly. Interesting, but this in and of itself doesn’t tell us much. More information is required. As it turns out, she was old for the time in which this story took place but wouldn’t be considered old now. Fifty-something. Her name was Zerna. Our investigations have revealed… Read More There Was an Old Woman Who Swallowed a Fly: A Closer Look ~ fiction by Candace Kidd

Responding to the Scions of Anti-Semitism ~ poetry by KJ Hannah Greenberg

Alas and a muchness, whether Iran’s ayatollahs, Europe’s Nazis, or stupid heads running Washington, world rulers remain awfully derelict; they’re compromising Eretz Yisrael. Yet, Guyana, Comoros, relatively, have “barely frightening” comportment per pallid leaders’ Intelligence (global ophidians generally forget about justice and countenance suffering.) Transnational kingmakers’ choices won’t forsake hatred. Their penchants cull outmoded, Misguided… Read More Responding to the Scions of Anti-Semitism ~ poetry by KJ Hannah Greenberg

Male Sperm Counts Are Falling All Across the Western World ~ poetry by R. J. Keeler

Around foreign towns, all mutts begin to bark en masse. Seen beside a lazy, plumed lizard asleep and hazy, sunning on a bare, flat rock such musicality unsettles; and thus mirrors qua Hermes’ baleful caution: Let’s not relent! Scalped by psyche’s past or divers ill fortune, how decipher such a black-swan, wan event? Populaces dimly… Read More Male Sperm Counts Are Falling All Across the Western World ~ poetry by R. J. Keeler

Advent Calendar Fillers for the Serial Killer in Your Life ~ seasonal whim by Leigh Lewis

Author’s Note: Many Christmases ago, my grandmother (the gentlest, sweetest woman in the world), was watching my sister and I gleefully dive into our favorite present that year, The Encyclopedia of Serial Killers. “Oh, girls,” she said, “If I were your age, that’s what I’d be reading, too!” I’m pretty sure that if Grandma were alive… Read More Advent Calendar Fillers for the Serial Killer in Your Life ~ seasonal whim by Leigh Lewis

Confessions of a Cannibal ~ essay by Marion Deutsche Cohen

Well, I really mean cannibalizer. A poetry colleague/friend just emailed that, in her opinion, I cannibalize my work. She meant it as a criticism. I’d never heard of that phrase so I googled it—“cannibalizing one’s work.” Merriam-Webster gives several definitions of “cannibalize”: “To deprive of an essential part of element in creating or sustaining another… Read More Confessions of a Cannibal ~ essay by Marion Deutsche Cohen

Destination: Bulgaria ~ fiction by Jim Meirose

Out I-80 Longshoremenne VonderLee reliuctantly relocated her men to truck-and-road duty. Bing the professional she was she took them to new quarters equipped with smart-flywheel rollers to glide up under the innerside of her designated Interstates. Cause; yah; cause having been tight-clued that contractee “Horse” had gained additional dockspace ‘long her total reaches of interesting… Read More Destination: Bulgaria ~ fiction by Jim Meirose

Letter from Your Pissed Descendant in 2133 ~ fiction by Bailey McDermott

Hi. You don’t know me, but I’m your great-great grandchild. I’m due to be born in the year 2108, which must really blow your mind but, hey—do the math. New technology lets us communicate with the past, so I thought I’d use the opportunity to let you know just how badly you screwed up. You’ve… Read More Letter from Your Pissed Descendant in 2133 ~ fiction by Bailey McDermott

Dear Zombie Lauren ~ poetry by Kristopher William Locke

DEAR ZOMBIE LAUREN, I, acknowledging yr existence An unknown percentile O’ present day Mutation of civilian Reptile mute-deafened civilization Through differing dialect Between bandit and breather Of paint red evenings out Woman about town Full familiar laughter Gullets full fodder A movable feast Supply and demand of the resource Pack rabid; feral Craze-brained fundamentalists With… Read More Dear Zombie Lauren ~ poetry by Kristopher William Locke

Life Hacks for Simplifying Your World ~ essay by Rhonda Dawson

“The simple life.” It’s the epitome of happiness and tranquility, yet nearly all Americans find themselves on an ever-accelerating treadmill that makes their lives anything but simple. Here are a few tips for eliminating the complications in your life that keep you from achieving that state of bliss we all dream of: Financial ○ Do… Read More Life Hacks for Simplifying Your World ~ essay by Rhonda Dawson