“In the movies the pirañas eat the people, in reality the people eat the pirañas.” — Peruvian Amazon guide After being interviewed May 2, 2018, a former Trump aide told CNN* about Bob Mueller’s team, “It’s clear they are still really focused on Russia collusion,” Michael Caputo said, adding, “They know more about [the President’s]… Read More Lemon Garnished Fried Phish Stories ~ poetry by Gerard Sarnat
Melanie and I took the bus from Chicago to Milwaukee on a Friday. We had just started dating and I was in love. Our hosts for the weekend would be Melanie’s Aunt Mary Anna and Uncle Joe — my first shot at meeting her extended family. We were college students, so of course we were… Read More Scavenging ~ essay by Jim Ross
Flounce skirted stranger orders a bourbon, stares only at a reflection between the bottles. Nate the piano player pounds out “Honolulu Baby” even though Hawai’i will not be discovered for a dozen years. “Sandwich Island Baby” doesn’t sound as good, I guess. The two brothers sit beyond the ell, toss back kamikazes, bet which one… Read More My Little Chickadee ~ poetry by Robert Beveridge
You knew you were hot. I knew you knew you were hot, and it was pretty clear that you knew I knew you were hot, and that’s why we were together. Now, all this time later, I think you picked me because you knew I’d know you knew you were hot, unlike some of the… Read More Hot Girl ~ fiction by Brooks Mormino
Sure there’s contour among the bodies in the bushes, as there are notebooks on the flora. It’s the coughing that’s unnerving idolatry, haltering. May as well be at the beach, staring. I was just walking my dog, man. The cars came around the corner fast their high beams blinding me momentarily. I saw little else… Read More As Joseph Adjusts His Charisma ~ poetry by Colin James
A thicket of rangy weeds flourishes beside the riverbank. I put on gloves and goggles. I wear my jaunty boots. Upon my return, outside the Tropical Delights Day Spa and Massage, I leave the entrance sign turned to “closed” and congratulate myself. No one’s around. Perfect. I utter sweet curses, weaving swears together like lyrical… Read More Perfect ~ fiction by Katrina Johnston
I was surprised to find Carly sitting at the Rathskeller bar. Her high cheekbones were blushed and her ash-blond hair was shorter than I remembered. She wore a white ruffled blouse and a light maroon sweater. She made a career of two rum Cokes then switched to ginger ale that lasted until closing time. Our… Read More The Heartland and I ~ fiction by Thomas M. McDade
(1) WEIRD AIRPLANE It’s a local. It makes landings in every major city. They announce the stops beforehand, both over the intercom and on those silly mini-TV’s that drop down in that pretentious way. However, if nobody pulls the cord it skips that stop. So watch and listen carefully. Check your schedule frequently. Don’t get… Read More 11 Dreams of Weird Societal Offerings ~ poetry by Marion Deutsche Cohen
Semis pass us like angry marked beasts. A zit on my chin festers and throbs. Already I see red. Pastor Pete mouths along with Revelation on cassette. I picture Henry Rollins and see red. With feeling, the solitary refinement of your room spits you back out, I’ll practice saying instead. This bed and breakfast smells… Read More Sam’s Seven Bowls of Wrath: a Ghazal ~ poetry by Ann Stewart McBee
GREEN surrounds me as I enter the butterfly pavilion. The leaves of the trees and flowers create an oasis in the Sonoran desert. All seems still inside, protected from the dry winds, until I notice the undulant motion of butterflies winging above me, swooping down to sip at the nectar of the blossoms. The guide… Read More Multicolored ~ nonfiction by Luanne Castle
Julie walked into the 5th floor office and delivered a package to the man sitting closest to the door and he signed his name but she couldn’t read it so she said, “It started hailing on my way here,” and he nodded importantly. Julie walked into the 5th floor office and delivered the man a… Read More Waiting a Lifetime ~ fiction by Marisa Crane
Jake Sheff is a major and pediatrician in the US Air Force, married with a daughter and three pets. Currently home is the Mojave Desert. Poems of Jake’s are in Radius, The Ekphrastic Review, The Brooklyn Review, The Cossack Review and elsewhere. He won 1st place in the 2017 SFPA speculative poetry contest and was… Read More Parade, a documentary: Shot List ~ lost production notes by Jake Sheff
We’d found god. It was a little strange running across it like that. It was right there. But I think just suddenly having its presence thrust in front of you like that … y’know … it’s kind of staggering and I don’t know that any of us really felt like we were there at that… Read More It Showed Up ~ fiction by Russ Bickerstaff
Tom Barra was from Queens, Italian, early 20s, playing the part of a preteen in our show. His fraternity brothers called him Cuda and stitched that on his jacket. Squat-shaped with tattoos, hairy back, 5 o’clock shadow. It took a lot of time and makeup to make him look the part of a young boy… Read More On Stamp Collections and Sentiment ~ essay by Bill Pearse
Frank Beltrano has written a poem and folded it into a paper airplane that was found and read and liked. That summer men landed on the moon. More recently, he has had two poems ride the London, Ontario buses, had a poem printed on a postcard, had the same award-winning poem printed on 1,000 posters.… Read More Woman in the Doorway ~ poetry by Frank Beltrano
Carina Estellovich is a twenty-four-year-old poet living in Seattle, Washington. She doesn’t break necks, but she also isn’t mistakenly sat on in malls. All around, Carina is average. One might even unmaliciously and objectively call her shallow. Indeed, the aphorism “what you see is what you get” very nearly describes Carina in full. It is… Read More Carina Estellovich’s Baggage ~ fiction by Natalie Plotkin
COORDINATOR OF M.D.R. JOB OVERVIEW With a role in the M.D.R. department, you will have the opportunity to cultivate a meaningful relationship with your Mother. Time management skills are preferred, as she will remind you each day that your time together is short. You will feel there has never been anything longer. You will be… Read More Coordinator of the Mother Daughter Relations Department ~ job listing by Tara Lemma
HARRY O’GROWLY Greetings, friends, from the 2018 National Human Show. My name is Harry O’Growly, back again as your host on this fine Thanksgiving afternoon. I’m joined in the Purina Dog House on the floor of the Philadelphia Expo Center by my wing hound, if you will, Bones Ruffing. Bones, what breed are you looking… Read More The National Human Show ~ fiction by David Jans
Suppose that you are a woman born into a well-to-do family and that you are slated to marry a man from another well-to-do family so that the two families might become even more well-to-do and thus doubly powerful in the Indian city of Nagpur in the year A.D. 1784. Suppose you do not wish to… Read More Maya ~ fiction by Janet Barrows
Minutes from the March Meeting of the University Library Committee on Workshops Rejected Library Workshops for Students How to Push in a Chair When Bad Things Happen to Good Staplers Things You Can Ask Google How to Pick a Printer from the Drop-down List of Printers Rejected Library Workshops for Faculty Here Are Two Databases… Read More Minutes from the March Meeting of the University Library Committee on Workshops ~ document by Jennifer Gravley
Tip: Pause the slide show to read at your own pace. Lori Cramer’s short prose has appeared in Fictive Dream, L’Ephemere Review, Riggwelter, Unbroken Journal, and Whale Road Review, among others. Links to her work can be found at loricramerfiction.wordpress.com. Twtter: @LCramer29. Show Lori some love via PayPal at bulldog29(at)msn(dot)com.
The Disappointed Housewife is delighted to announce our first payment to writers thanks to the generosity of the readers. Last month I created a “starving artists” fund, to which readers can make donations via PayPal. A convenient “donate” button is located in the sidebar to the right. And since the fund’s creation, we’ve collected a… Read More Dough!
The Problem is Casual As you learned, The Problem is casual. Where you throw Fragments can help Tame the luck If you want to create. Focus on, Kings to distinguish. Interesting, Personal thoughts. Categories, Content, Images, Audio, Video, Tags, Overcomplicate. Phillip McCollum is finally figuring out what he wants to be when he grows up,… Read More Found Poetry in a Technical Manual ~ poetry by Phillip McCollum
“What do you think he’s going to do with it?” Danny asked Jonathan. “He said he’s taking it up to Aurora.” Danny adjusted his black-rimmed glasses and glanced at the flat-screen mounted on the wall. The Leafs were losing to the Bruins. “Why Aurora?” Danny asked. “That’s where his girlfriend Natalia lives. He bought her… Read More Playoffs ~ fiction by Salvatore Difalco
If I were an office lady in Japan, I’d be in charge of making copies. They wouldn’t trust me with anything else. You couldn’t even figure out the office toilet, they’d say. The office toilet would be the kind that says konnichiwa when you sit on it, and has four different buttons for flushing. On… Read More All the Office Ladies ~ fiction by Cathy Ulrich
When The Disappointed Housewife launched, I tried to think of ways the contributors could get paid when I had no budget. I landed on the idea of PayPal “tips” made by readers directly to the writers. But this is a hit-and-miss approach and probably leaves most of the writers with little or no acknowledgment. I… Read More Help Pay Our Writers With a Donation to The Disappointed Housewife
Margot and I don’t go out much and we haven’t gone out in a while, given what we’ve got going at home, which may be partly why the sky, with its sunken treasure of a horizon, looked so different tonight. How the transition from light to dark seemed to happen like that. But there we… Read More Layers ~ fiction by Pat Foran
Curse the alarm. I mean really curse it. Curse at it as your fist slams into the shrieking metal bells atop the heart-shaped clock. Curse again at the pain now shooting through your hand. Hold onto the walls for support as you work your way toward the bathroom for a shower. Feel ten, maybe twenty,… Read More How to be a Different Kind of Showgirl ~ memoir by Kat Knuth
We’re different things to different people. Someone I know, though now dead, is a saint in one woman’s mind. That’s because that woman inherited the dead person’s house, worth probably two million dollars. That woman was the dead person’s step-daughter. She came into the person’s life as a hitchhiker, basically, hitching on her father’s coattails.… Read More We’re Different Things to Different People ~ fiction by Kevin Brennan
Love is Love is a dog from hell Love is a four letter word Love is a many splendored thing Love is a pie Love is a place Love is colder than death Love is the crooked thing Love is the measure Love is the silence Love is the sum of it all * We… Read More Five Poems Found in the Database of the UC Berkeley Library ~ poetry by Glenn Ingersoll
Of The Artist Septober 53rd For the first morning since I arrived, the mist has withdrawn. It’s clear enough for me to Caesarean my way out of my tent and see to the edge of this rocky outcrop I’ve ended up perched upon. The stone’s been blasted bare since before I was born, rigor mortis… Read More Of the Artist ~ fiction by Avouleance
Sofa Surfer Blues I drank myself last night and I tasted of oblivion. Keep on swinging madly across the sun Mr Dylan, I could never keep up with you I’m in a war of words with the verse endless invisible unknowable in my head riding in on your sofa surfer blues. “Poetry is dead!” shouts… Read More Two Poems ~ poetry by David Dobson
Violet molds her palms around the glass and watches the ice settle into the green liquid. She’s sweating despite the chill. Across the patio, through the black bars of the railing, the shrubbery shivers, making a blur the same color as the substance in the glass. She glances at her watch. He’s five minutes later… Read More Foreign Bodies ~ fiction by Audrey Kalman
Diagnosis: Evil A sarcastic poem based on Wikipedia’s “Sarcoidosis” page. This page was last edited on 4 October 2017, at 05:22. A given governing your heart is a disease involving abnormal collections of dissident cells that form lumps known as deciders. The deicide usually begins in the lungs, skin or second thoughts. Less commonly affected… Read More Two Poems ~ poetry by Jake Sheff
You’ve never taken Sparta Road or kept an austere house. On Lone Pine Mountain, you’ve never stood alone or climbed its high roads to the peak above Virtue Flat. You’ve never stayed in Bates, where the directory notes no hotel, all lodging primitive. Days from now in Baker City you won’t eat one baked cake,… Read More Self as Map, as Land ~ poetry by Laura Madeline Wiseman
At the end of the world, with civilization in ruin, Mad Marx’s cell phone rang again. The words “unknown caller” flashed across a screen that was cracked and scratched from an Armageddon that even an Otterbox couldn’t fully defend against. Despite the mystery, Mad Marx knew who it was–he only got one kind of call… Read More Mad Marx’s Post-Modern Post-Apocalypse ~ fiction by Barlow Adams
Alexandra is from a po’ dunk town in central Florida. Her poetry was featured in The Wolfian twice, as well as The Zombie Logic Review, 8 West Press, Over Watch Press, and most recently, appeared in two separate issues of Torrid Literature. She released her first published poetry collection, The Angels’ Trumpets, last year thanks to Purple Unicorn Media.… Read More Thoughts ~ poetry by Alexandra the Great
There aren’t many ways that a journal that makes no money can pay its writers, but here at The Disappointed Housewife we offer readers an opportunity to bypass the middle man and pay the writers directly. At the bottom of many of our poems, stories, and essays you’ll find the author’s PayPal (or Google Pay)… Read More How to Pay Writers at The Disappointed Housewife
Donnie was going through yet another standard tutorial area in yet another free-to-play MMO when he heard his roommate come home. The door swung open, a key scraped against its lock, and Eli said something. A woman responded. Donnie quit typing, let the automated battle play out, and then he smirked instead of smiled. “Where’s… Read More Bakery Girl ~ fiction by Lee Blevins
Gregory Kimbrell is the author of The Primitive Observatory (Southern Illinois University Press, 2016), winner of the 2014 Crab Orchard Series in Poetry First Book Award. His poems have appeared or are forthcoming in Manticore—Hybrid Writing from Hybrid Identities, Alcyone, Whatever Our Souls, Parentheses, Blackbird, and other publications. He is the events and programs coordinator… Read More 取り除き Torinozoki (Deinstallation) ~ poetry by Gregory Kimbrell
