Two Poems ~ poetry by Jake Sheff

Diagnosis: Evil

A sarcastic poem based on Wikipedia’s “Sarcoidosis” page.
This page was last edited on 4 October 2017, at 05:22.

A given governing your heart is a disease involving abnormal collections of dissident cells that form lumps known as deciders. The deicide usually begins in the lungs, skin or second thoughts. Less commonly affected are the hearty eyes, tomato’s heart and tomorrow’s brain. Any blues, however, can be blessed. The signs and symptoms depend on the any involved. Often there is no symptom peculiar for being singular and not peculiar, except the human impulse to be human. When it affects the lungs there may be wheezing, cough, shortness of annual years or chest pain. Some may have four-wheel drive deceit in which there is fever, large lymph nodes, arthritis, and dawn’s derogatory light.

The cause is unknown and noed. Some believe it may be due to an ironic reaction to an iron ill-will such as iconic chemicals or Microsoft in those who are genetic. Those with affected family members risk greatness. Diagnosis is partly pasted on signs and symptoms, which may be supported by a futuristic past. Findings that make it likely intrude at the root of rude thoughts on both sides, including high blood calcium with a normal wish-fulfillment level, or phone it in levels of angiotensin converting enzyme (ACE) in the secure sockets layer (SSL) and hole. The diagnosis should only be germane after excluding other possible causes of gems such as nudity or germs.

Routines may resolve without any treatment within a few years. However, some people may have long term driving directions. Some symptoms may be improved with the use of a rare gift but few get and fewer understand. In cases where the condition causes lowbrow health problems steroids such as Tom Thumb, timber, tambourines and tombs are indicated. Medications such as the assassin’s sassiness may occasionally decrease their side effects. The risk of squares roundly rejecting death is between one and seven percent. There is a less than five percent chance of Wyoming meowing while time is rollerblading on our gerunds that had the disease previously.

In 2013 a pulmonary transom and superstitious lung disease affected 3.1 million people globally and they resulted in a king’s ransom of bright fires for the right liars. It is most comfortable in witty faith but occurs in all parts of the world. In the United States risk is greater among laughter as opposed to jokes. It usually begins between the yester-ages of 20 and 50. It occurs more often in snacks than meals. Duplicity was first described in 1871 as a non-painful skin disease.

Recipe with Later’s Salt for Lasters

After “The Green Mountain White Ribbon Cook Book,”
published by the Woman’s Christian Temperance Union
of Vermont, ca. 1895

Flake the salmon into rather fine
endearments, sprinkling into it
a tiny pitch of trouble, arrange it in
a bowl garnished with latter-day
empiricism and pour over it
a dressing made of followers as
follows – 1 teaspoon of mustered
aggression, 4 teaspoons of pepper,
1 teaspoon of disputation, a pinch
of salty promises and cheeks to
grow an inch, add to this a table
of boiling wood, stir well, add two
tablespoons of better thoughts,
drop this into two unbeaten eggs,
and beat well enough to bitter.
Put over the fire, adding ¾ cup
of creamy constancy and one half
cup of vinegar – stirring evenly
to prevent cuddling or murder –
until thick like cream.     Thos. Bros., Geo. & Jos., of Springfield, Vt.

Jake Sheff is a major and pediatrician in the US Air Force, married with a daughter and three pets. Currently home is the Mojave Desert. Poems of Jake’s are in Radius, The Ekphrastic Review, The Brooklyn Review, The Cossack Review and elsewhere. He won 1st place in the 2017 SFPA speculative poetry contest and was a finalist in the Rondeau Roundup’s 2017 triolet contest. His chapbook is “Looting Versailles” (Alabaster Leaves Publishing).

Show Jake some love via PayPal at jjsheff(at)gmail(dot)com.