The Disappointed Housewife is delighted to announce the following nominations for the Best of the Net Anthology. This is our first set of nominations for Best of the Net, since the nominating process is a little arcane, but these writers deserve some extra attention for their stellar pieces and it was well worth jumping through… Read More Best of the Net Nominations

Author’s note: In each piece, the number of words matches the age of the protagonist at the time, i.e., the episode title.   Forty  In the beginning, there’d been many inklings of the end. Now, slumped upon the toilet seat, Alex is convinced his marriage is crap. Curses through the window. He stands, frowns at… Read More But Who’s Counting? ~ fiction by Michael Cocchiarale

I’m not sentimental, but I don’t want to be erased. That’s why I motion the salesperson over to the table of folded green and yellow T-shirts. This is where we cut the cake, I explain. She narrows her eyes, trying, I can tell, to decide if I’m a well-dressed homeless weirdo or a Vicodin-addled suburbanite,… Read More The Place We Held Our Wedding is Now a Surf Shop ~ fiction by Jen McConnell

The store’s closed for two hours. The show window glass’s being replaced, so an unusual, never happens, first time in God knows how long, forced idleness’s settled in on Sandy and the Rudimentary Substitute shoe salesman. After tiring of idly hanging around out front half-watching the workmen wrangle up great sheets of thick plate glass,… Read More Enforced Job Break ~ fiction by Jim Meirose

Dear reader of this fine publication, The following was rubbed from a sheet of 1960s-era carbon paper found in a shoebox hidden under a floorboard in Pennsylvania State Museum’s Delaware Room. Research indicates that Noah Brewster, chief historian of Philadelphia County, Pennsylvania, during the 1960s, was about to discover the location of Amaritudinem, Pennsylvania, before… Read More The History of Amaritudinem, Pennsylvania ~ fiction by John Lane

So kind of Ron to come over, help you out to the porch for a chat. Such a nice man. He brought me flowers. They got me thinking. Lilies will be an obvious choice, but they have that awful funeral smell. Perhaps hardy daisies mixed with blue gladiolus? Flowers that don’t lean on each other,… Read More That Funeral Smell ~ fiction by Karen Walker

“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.” Anne had stumbled upon a cache of affirmations on Pop Sugar and was painstakingly writing them down on an unopened envelope from LADWP.  A late payment notice. She could tell by the red ink on the bill peeking through. Anne did not write them all… Read More Affirmations for a Virus ~ fiction by Laura Louden

Snacks, Cigarettes, Beer, Slots, Sloths Outside, the sun rose like an oncoming aneurysm. The gas pumps were explosive elephants, the parking lot, a potholed safari. It was the opposite of rush hour. A long row of sloths played the slots that lined the dirty window of the Circle K.  All three toes curled around the… Read More Two Micro Stories ~ fiction by Jennifer Battisti

It’s the one he took while we were standing outside The World Diner and I was caught off-guard and he was smiling and behind us, in the sky, Fourth of July, a chemtrail heart, hanging, before things changed, before the truth of our world changed. The photo was on the stand next to the bed.… Read More Grief Has Hidden My Picture ~ fiction by Ron Burch

No more with the game plan where I badmouth everything I do, think, and feel. For instance, I sexted Grace and she wrote back, “lmao maybe later in the week.” Ok, see, a line has two sides, and time, it’s been proven by scientists, seems to move faster as you age. This was not a… Read More Fervent Waiting ~ fiction by Sean Ennis

It was a phrase you hadn’t used often, but one that quickly dominated your life. It became your children’s favorite word. Morning and night they chanted it. In your local grocery store when something was found not agreeable, it was deemed fake. In a court of law, testimony not to someone’s liking was labeled fake.… Read More Sustainable ~ fiction by Xenia Taiga

We’d talked about starting a vegetable garden for years, but it took the pandemic to make us actually do it. I’d realised quite swiftly that the weekly Ocado delivery was a thing of the past and that if I wanted a reliable supply of lollo rosso and dill, I’d have to grow it myself. In… Read More Some Notes on Container Gardening During the Apocalypse ~ fiction by Tabitha Potts

I roll onto your side of the bed, still warm and a little damp from last night. Since our son was born, you always pull out and cum on your side. The smell of semen and sweat lingers between silk sheets. But another child at the moment would be foolish. Cruel. Running water from our… Read More For Them ~ fiction by Paul Attmere

Fever, chills, cough— I want my wife to go up to the clinic. “What for?” she says from bed. “I have no underlying condition—except mortality.” A single laugh sets off a spasm of hacking, and, one hand bothering chest, “Like-hit-by-a-train,” she gets out, thick and foggy, of how she feels, before fading beneath a framed… Read More The Door ~ fiction by Vincent Barry

Back City, crank your evoluminations. All gosh to the great God Yul. Tangling. The way head’s tangleteening for a taking. Some sort of sport seems to be playing out back over here. So, look on. Let’s a’ look at yer radio. Breaking news this unprecedented eighty-degree late Januinary daytime. So, you say this squareradio’s not… Read More Mid-Januinary Radio Jam ~ fiction by Jim Meirose

Going back to a time before time could be recorded, in what came to be the modern state of Tanzania, chimpanzees had religion. Naturally, it was not a religion in the sense of our current ones, with texts and liturgy and hierarchies, but it was organized around the idea of a creator who had put… Read More The Birth of Religion ~ fiction by Janet Barrows

Poco moto, woman, Therese thought to herself, as she pulled herself up from the bed and towards the door. She felt she heard something scuttle away in response to the creak of the wooden floorboards as she padded, naked and content, through the hall. “They flee from me that sometime did me seek!” she sang… Read More The Apparitions ~ fiction by Kirsty McGrory

My favorite thing, by far, is the opposite sex. But my next favorite is asking ridiculous questions, like ‘Why is the letter S always malingering?’ Or, ‘What is the smell of potatoes’ hatred?’ Optimism. What? Optimism. The answer to your questions. (He leans in and cups his ear.) Come again? Opti, opti opti. Mi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-zum! (He… Read More The Hopscotch King ~ fiction by Jake Sheff

Down to breakfast, sit. And late again, to boot. Ah, you and you, Sonboy—all you do is sleep on, and sleep on. But; how you got named—did we ever tell you how you got named, Sonboy? Did we? All spinning down from atop our attic apartments, it came. Listen. I am going to tell it… Read More How It’s Named; Sonboy ~ fiction by Jim Meirose

Monday “A fine healthy baby,” someone says, slapping my buttocks. Two heads I’ll recognize tomorrow as my parents’ peer at a small flat shiny thing. “Phone” will be my first word. “Want phone” my first sentence. T-r-i-l-l! On Wednesday I’ll scroll back to Monday’s Twitter feed and find that @Ma&PaGrundy wrote: “Doc sez our baby… Read More The Diary of S. Grundy ~ fiction by Faye Brinsmead

I afforded my life the patience and room it required to diet into nothing. For weeks, I’d lug clods of my material self to a pawn shop behind the lunch spot my co-workers loved. The man behind the counter—a beefy goth with hairy knuckles demarking the plump stubs of his fingers—would look through my things,… Read More What Does God Need With a Starship? ~ fiction by J. Campbell

There was an old woman who swallowed a fly. Interesting, but this in and of itself doesn’t tell us much. More information is required. As it turns out, she was old for the time in which this story took place but wouldn’t be considered old now. Fifty-something. Her name was Zerna. Our investigations have revealed… Read More There Was an Old Woman Who Swallowed a Fly: A Closer Look ~ fiction by Candace Kidd

When I was kidnapped, I wore a denim jean jacket with a front button placket, point collar and two button-flap chest pockets—one for my phone, the other for a twenty-dollar bill. I figured one day the twenty dollars would be a useful bribe, or if I was feeling generous, a donation to the street musicians… Read More An Uninspired Kidnapping ~ fiction by Lucy Zhang

‘Begorrah,’ Trevor said slapping his forehead. ‘This is Sunday and Maureen’s birthday is on Tuesday. I must send a card.’ Trevor found a card with a picture of two elderly ladies and a caption that read: I never mind my friends knowing my secret indiscretions. Most are so old they can’t remember anything anyway. ‘Fish… Read More Late Delivery ~ fiction by Philip McCormac

Out I-80 Longshoremenne VonderLee reliuctantly relocated her men to truck-and-road duty. Bing the professional she was she took them to new quarters equipped with smart-flywheel rollers to glide up under the innerside of her designated Interstates. Cause; yah; cause having been tight-clued that contractee “Horse” had gained additional dockspace ‘long her total reaches of interesting… Read More Destination: Bulgaria ~ fiction by Jim Meirose

Commerce was booming. The stores were all full, as were the restaurants, bars, theaters, gyms, barbershops, and beauty salons. Foot traffic on each floor’s promenade was heavy, spanning a range from individuals to families, couples holding hands, moving at various states of urgency. If asked, probably few, if any, could have said how many floors… Read More The Procedure ~ fiction by Jeremy Stuart

Hi. You don’t know me, but I’m your great-great grandchild. I’m due to be born in the year 2108, which must really blow your mind but, hey—do the math. New technology lets us communicate with the past, so I thought I’d use the opportunity to let you know just how badly you screwed up. You’ve… Read More Letter from Your Pissed Descendant in 2133 ~ fiction by Bailey McDermott

Somewhere on the hike that summits the lava field, just to give lie to what she just said, I say with a deep lungful, “As it so happens,—” because it is true—     “Your problem,” ’s what she just said, “you don’t respect the past.”     “—by chance, I have with me,” I… Read More Craters of the Moon ~ fiction by Vince Barry

Early on, the phenomenon was seen as a coincidental series of birth defects. The first case appeared in rural Oklahoma, surprising the obstetrician when the baby crowned, revealing an unusual pair of ears oriented more toward the top of the head than the sides—long, pointed, and coated in a layer of downy hair. The baby’s… Read More New Humanoid Species Raises Compelling Ethical Questions ~ fiction by Morgan Capra

The false mermaids will try to engage you in a political debate. They’ll ask your views on Jeremy Corbyn and Sashi Tharoor. They’ll demand a staunch opinion on the Amazonian tribes and the disappearing lot of arctic penguins while looking completely innocent and cuddlesome. They’ll never be satisfied with any middle ground. They’ll keep nagging… Read More How to Properly Distinguish Between a False Mermaid and a Genuine One ~ fiction by Hiya Mukherjee

Robbing is hard, but bank robbing school is harder. That’s because the difference between learning and doing is the difference between the rigid spin on the weather vane and a tree full of branches bent by wind. Over one hundred wanna be robbers started with our class and now it’s down to the top three:… Read More Bank Robber School ~ fiction by Merridawn Duckler

In the McMansions there was a lady who Saran Wrapped her house. She never did make it to the roof. It took her two days. She had three kids but it seemed like five or six. She rode a bulldozer to her wedding. There was a picture of it on her hall table in the… Read More The Saran Wrappers ~ fiction by Xenia Taiga

Carla Brochton wrote fantasy. Real fantasy. No, not real, I know fantasy isn’t real. But her Doomlords of Islayana series had been a sensation and was quickly snapped up for TV by one of those streaming networks. Pompous mock-medieval fantasy with lots of sex, nudity, torture, 21st century swearing and splattering innards always goes down… Read More Author Visit ~ fiction by David McVey

The great lady of Monte Carlo knows when she is needed. Her host family is practicing verbs at the table. They are loyal to the French language but will work with any verb they can get their hands on. Only the mother and daughter are left now. The great lady knows the mother is in… Read More The Great Lady of Monte Carlo ~ fiction by Jan Stinchcomb

Salvatore Difalco splits time between Toronto and Sicily. His work has appeared in many print and online journals. He is the author of four books, including The Mountie At Niagara Falls, an illustrated collection of flash fiction. Show Salvatore some love via PayPal at sammydifalco(at)gmail(dot)com.

The blender buggered up. Sent the day out of whack, getting partially smushed fruit out of bent blades, the future smoothie halted to become a pithy lump. My only meal, slopped into a plastic breakfast bowl. Scooped out with a tea spoon, as the washing up piles up. Better go out and steal some meat.… Read More Stealing Meat ~ fiction by Rebecca Gransden

What does one do when nobody picks up your calls? Leave a voice message? Maybe that’s actually better. People don’t really listen to those properly, but you can shout your heart out.  It’s almost like a dramatic performance—you’re the only one talking— but without the stage, you’re not in the spotlight, and you don’t have… Read More Mulberry Monologues ~ fiction by Tejaswi Rawal

Johnny Quanta stared at his shattered prosthetic leg in disbelief. A full bot had speared him in the knee. It was a cheap shot. “Johnny,” Dr. Fagan said, “we have no replacements left.” “What are you talking about? There were three good ones last week.” “What can I tell you? You play hard.” “The game… Read More Better Ballers ~ fiction by Salvatore Difalco

You owe her ・excitement over her new job, ・enthusiasm about the hiking trip she’s been planning, and ・delight that your karaoke duets are consistently hitting level 8. But you’re in severe emotional debt and should feel for others first—for colleagues and loved ones who have been waiting longer for more substantial emotions: ・Werna: sympathy as… Read More Stopgap ~ fiction by Soramimi Hanarejima

“It is real,” he said, “but you can only do it on the Sega Genesis version. It’s down-forward-A-B-down, or something.” The south Jersey sun was hot, and the community pool was closed for repainting. “My cousin showed me.” “You lie so bad.” “He did,” Josh insisted, shrugging. “We can call him right now.” Chris mopped… Read More Secret Fatalities ~ fiction by Ben Spies