7 Monster Movies to Scare the Pants Off Republicans ~ movie capsules by Elizabeth Johnston

The Fly

“Have you ever heard of insect politics? Neither have I. Insects … don’t have politics. We can’t trust the insect …. I’m saying … I’m saying I — I’m an insect who dreamt he was a man and loved it.”

Something goes horribly wrong when a homophobic vice president inserts himself into an experiment in which he tries to debate a woman who is not his wife. Unaware his genes have been fused with the poor fly that is trapped on the stage with him and that has mistaken him for a corpse, the VP now finds himself slowly transforming into a red-eyed, toothless creature known as “Pencelfly”—but since he was already in the habit of clinging to walls and word-vomiting, no one notices until it’s too late.

Kamzilla: Queen of the Monsters

You have no idea what’s coming.

The administration is thrown into a panic after its ship sinks in the polls and racist monuments are being toppled and smashed. In disbelief, the commander sends his spies in search of alternative facts to explain the carnage only to come face to face with a left-winged, five-foot-two intellectual monster whom the natives call Kamzilla. Conservatives everywhere will cower in the corner covering their eyes as she calmly and methodically tears down barricade after barricade of bullshit.

Invasion of the Party Snitchers

It’s a big conspiracy.

The White House find itself mysteriously infiltrated by an invisible alien organism capable of imitating a Trump loyalist. They try to root out the whistle-blowing snitch, but their paranoia threatens to tear them apart as it becomes increasingly apparent that they don’t know which members of their party have already been assimilated by a supernatural force too powerful to fight: the truth.


You son of a bitch, you left the bodies and you only moved the headstones! You-only-moved-the-headstones! Lies! Lies!

Strange happenings beset the family at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue when a crazy banshee begins to commune with voters through Twitter. At first she appears friendly, transmitting meaningless static. However, she soon turns nasty, unleashing a frenzy of insults at Donald as the rotting corpses of his taxes erupt from under them.

The Host

You never know how much time you’ll have.

A fiendish spirit of honesty has taken possession of most of the country’s journalists, leaving only small pockets of sycophantic reporters scattered throughout Fox News. During his final debate, Donald finds his time has been claimed by The Moderator, a spirit that has been warned of the difficulties that come with giving the president free rein to blather on.

Drain-the-Swamp Thing

I looked into a man’s eyes and glimpsed the abyss. And I fear that it may be bottomless.

In this campy, technicolor thriller, a laboratory accident transforms a brilliant scientist into an unlikely superhero who emerges from the depths of the swamp to save the world from the machinations of an egomaniacal madman.

Let the Left One In

May I come in?

In this most terrifying of films, the beleaguered American people fall in love with Kamala, the girl-next-door who has appeared just in time to save them from a big bully. But first they’ll need to invite her in.

Elizabeth Johnston Ambrose’s work appears in The AtlanticMcSweeney’s Internet Tendency, The Belladonna, Little Old Lady, Points in Case, The Satirist, The Weekly Humorist, and many others.  Her first poetry chapbook, Wild Things, is forthcoming from Main Street Rag.

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