Tinder Swipe Left ~ poetry by John Tustin

All the pictures on my account are at least five years old.
If your pictures aren’t recent don’t bother matching.

About me:

My kids don’t speak to me and I avoid my neighbors as much as they avoid me.
I watch ten hours of television a day and I’m banned from commenting on most news websites.

I’ll make fun of the things you like if I don’t like them.

I don’t have a job so we’ll have to go dutch until you feel sorry for me and just insist on paying.

My torn rotator cuff means you’ll have to get on top and do all the work if we get to that point – either that or just do mouth and hand stuff.

I sometimes cry or laugh for seemingly no discernible reason. Don’t worry – there’s a reason.

I can only ejaculate if I can call you insulting names the entire time we’re doing it.

I never got over her so you’ll certainly hear a lot about that.

I’ll never ask a single question about you so if you have a shady past it’s fine.
You must have nice feet.

Heavy drinkers preferred. No smokers. No freaks. Must have your own car because I don’t.

I look forward to our future ghosting – whichever one of us does it.

John Tustin’s poetry has appeared in many disparate literary journals in the last dozen years. fritzware.com/johntustinpoetry contains links to his published poetry online.

Show John some love via PayPal at johnhtustin(at)yahoo(dot)com.